I read an post on Facebook yesterday about anxiety attacks and depression and how they are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of someone who has held strong for as long as they could. As a Mother, I can definitely relate to that and it really resonated with me. There are days where I am proud of my patience and ability to hold it all together, and I go to bed feeling like a successful wife and Mother.
But, with all that Moms are trying to balance and the pressures we put on ourselves, as well as the unpredictability of children - be it 1, 2, 3, or more, there are MANY days where it feels like it's all falling apart, like I am a failure and am continuously praying for the strength, faith and patience to get me though the end of the day.
At times over the last 6 years of Motherhood, I have definitely had bouts with anxiety and the struggles of getting it all done, giving them the best, being involved, giving all I can, always having to be in constant movement, thinking on my feet and simply being in the trenches with 4 lively personalities ALL the time. It can really push you, trying to find the ability to reason with a child or children mid-meltdown, over meltdown, over melt-down, lol....can anyone realate?
Every single Mom, no matter how patient, loving, dedicated....loses their composure and drive every now and again. There are several things we all do to cope with that, some healthy, some not, pray and meditation work, exercise and fresh air are good, wine is GREAT, but 2 things that I have found to be quick tools to calm myself, bring me back to Home Base and keep from losing it throughout the day are: Reading & Writing. Sounds funny right? It only take a couple of minutes, but it truly works for me, try it and see. It's not a cure all...I certainly do NOT claim to have one of those, but if it gets you though the day with just a tiny bit more patience...it's working, right?
(Note: I am NOT an expert on ANYTHING, just a normal Mom trying to get by, these are simply things that I have found that work for me)
Read
If the kids are home and you can't just walk out the door and run until you are ready to come back, sit down in a snuggly chair and read your child a book. When you are losing your mind and about to yell, regret your words or your volume, if you can find the composure and energy to pick a book (just a typical short kid book) and start reading, it will help! I find that by the end of a short children's book, with a little person snuggled in your lap, the mindlessness of reading simple, easy words is calming and you are able to come back to life with a little gained patience, enough at least. As you read those pages, they gently snuggle closer to you, reminding you that they are just little people relying on you to guide them and set them up for success. At first you might be barely grasping them with terrible body language, almost wanting to pitch them to the ground, but as you read realize that they are without the experiences or understanding of a reasonable adult and you cannot expect for them to be that! Yep, they might have just decorated your custom ordered yellow footboard with a lovely combination of black and blue crayon, and you WANT desperately to say "what in the hell were you thinking" and of course punishment DOES happen, but sometimes, calming yourself first, is the very best choice. Especially because MOST of the time, their acts are only attention and reaction seeking. I find that the lessons learned are much more effective when your aren't losing it while trying to teach them and they aren't crying or screaming to try to tune your words out. Post book, they will go to time out, or they might go to time out and then I read a book to another child, while they are there. But, discussing the offense usually works better when I can talk calmly and reasonably, without traces of resentment for the ridiculousness of what they might have done.
Write
If you are overwhelmed and you feel like you are about to have a toddler meltdown yourself, stop, and write about your child. I find that just a few lines is enough to reset myself and help me to remember what it's all about, what's
really important. I keep 4 little journals in my bedside table, each inscribed with a different child's name. I write my thoughts and feelings about each of them, their personalities and development, the kind things they do and quirks that will be interesting to them one day. I write in them when I find the time, which isn't often enough for sure, but when the chips are falling I grab them. I sit down and write 1 little page about each one and something special that I see in them, I tell them something funny they have done lately or a memorable moment I have had with them, sometimes even why they make me feel special and why they motivate me to be better. Channeling these precious moments and positive thoughts really does calm me and prompt me of the blessings that keep me going through the tough moments. It helps to remind me that even if they are late to school, with disheveled hair and mismatched clothes, or if I find a night that the best I can do is order a pizza, it's okay because there are more excellent things about our days than there are bad ones. And I am NOT a failure, that the expectations we put on ourselves prove that we love our families like crazy....but it always helps to be reigned in and given a break even now and then.
