"Why are you afraid, Mommy?"

Each day a situation presents itself that will allow you to make a choice...either you step forward into growth or back to your comfort zone.  

Raising kids is tough.  Like truly, deeply, consumingly tough.  I mean, I'm a fairly sane person, my kids would probably tell you otherwise, since they frequently tell me that I'm crazy.  But man, the daily, sometimes hourly challenges of mediating, moderating, maintaining, hoping, praying, leaping and just simply holding on tight to what you think is right...not knowing if you are making the right decisions can be draining.  

They are imitators and mirrors, if you look, you will see your habits in them.  While all 4 of our children are distinctly different in every way, I see and hear myself in them every single day.  Some good, some not so good.  But, these little windows give us the opportunity to change things about ourselves and hopefully those changes will help lead them to develop into a better version of themselves too.  It's amazing to me how even at 36 years old, I learn more from having an open and tuned in mind to the actions and words of 5 and 7 year old, than I learn from many other adults.  

While we were gone to pick up our puppy a few months ago, we stayed in a high-rise hotel in downtown Atlanta, because the kids had never seen a big city like that.  We had a balcony overlooking the city and they went out to survey all the grandeur, and we were HIGH up. I am TERRIBLY afraid of heights, like can't stand bridges.  I just couldn't handle it and wanted them to come back in.  My wise husband said, "They do not yet know to have fears of things like this; don't let your fears become theirs." At the moment I was in panic and was totally annoyed with him, probably because he was so dang right. I don't want them to have my many negative traits; that's what I am working to avoid, lol.  And I have thought about that statement he made, every single day since. When I see them developing from my fears and shortcomings, I try to change them

Yes, I know it's completely looney, but I have always feared attics...like ALL attics.   When I was a child, my room was alongside the attic and at night I kept hearing scratching and something moving in the walls. I told my parents several times and they kept telling me it was nothing.  But it wasn't!  I knew what I was hearing!  Turned out that a raccoon had climbed through the attic fan and had made a nest, complete with 3 babies in the wall! For real!  Finally my parents began to hear them, the back side of the house had to be taken off for them to remove all those raccoons from the walls! Ever since, attic fear! 

However, I don't like being hot either.  I LOVE to sweat on my terms, but when I am clean and showered, NO... So, this week when it was 95 degrees outside and I realized out AC was out, there was indeed a dilemma. I called my husband at work and he said, "You're going to have to go into the ATTIC, or wait until I get home."  Pshhh...not going into the attic and I hung up chapped.  

Of course my little monkeys with ears the size of megaphones, and whys as big as the sky, "Why don't you like the attic Mommy?" 

And I heard myself say it, "Mommy is just afraid of attics. " 

Well damn, I just voiced my fear and now the barrage, "Why, why, why, why Mommy, why, why? Are you afraid? What's up there?" 

And then, as annoyed as I already was with the facts, even worse I heard my husband's voice in my head, "Don't let your fears become theirs." UGHHHHH!

I stood there in the hall, hoping that nothing jumped out at me when I opened that pull down, praying that as I climbed that ladder, there were no bats dive bombing me or baby raccoons and their Momma pouncing on my face. As I climbed that ladder all 4 of them stood at the bottom, waiting, watching, hanging on my every move.  Nothing attacked me, I didn't see signs of any kind of life up there, nothing other than the blinking emergency light on the air handler.  Sure enough, the water pan was full and I would have to figure out a way to get all that water down. And, darn if it wasn't blazing up there.  

Pause here.  Yes, I could have just called "The Guy."  But, I know that my husband can fix most things, so I don't usually rely on that.  Yes, the kids suggested it, implying that I couldn't fix it. But, I was already up there, knowing full well I am a fairly capable person, and that Tucker is the creative cat of all creatives cats, I made the choice to go after this one.

I knew that it was going to be a fair amount of water.  So I climbed down, rallied my team, we all sat down in the playroom and drew out our afternoon project on a sheet of paper!  "Here's the problem guys, now what ways can you think of to get this down?" And as it became a challenge, a science & engineering project, their faces and fearlessness helped to ease my own fears.  They thought this was AWESOME!  And as I had Tucker grab the hose, made a funnel out of a water bottle, had the girls bring in 2 - 5 gallon buckets and eventually added a 6 ft., 3" PVC pipe to the mix, it became a full fledged Rube Goldberg project - Tucker's obsession.  

In about 45 minutes, 5+ gallons of water removed from the attic, at least 1 gallon of sweat removed from me, several wet towels and minor spills...the AC was back on! But, WAY more was gained by stepping forward. I,
mostly, conquered my fear of our attic...don't ask me to investigate yours, but I am okay with climbing into mine for now! lol.  We worked together, we made it fun and I showed that my silly fear was just that, silly, and there was nothing to be afraid of in the attic! I only have 1001 other silly things to conquer now...lol, but at least one down. 

I think I grew more from this than they did.  Believe me, I do the easy thing, make the wrong decision, back down, more often than I would like to admit; however, after this I feel much more confident.  I was able, that day, to say that I made a pretty good parenting decision, and nothing makes you feel much better than that!  I would have sat in the heat, fallen victim to my silly fear, placed a limitation on myself and SHARED it with my children.  I know it sounds funny, but how often do you do this by avoidance.  Danger is real, but fear exists only in your head.  Next time something like this arises, I know they will have confidence in me and not just suggest calling the AC man or Daddy!  And hopefully, hopefully...they build a self-confidence from it too!  They were so proud to help and had so much fun, who knows what else they took away, but I know that they see me as someone who can get stuff done and they don't see the attic as a scary place! Mission Accomplished!

Of course, eventually Bryan had to blow the line out to clear the blockage and ultimately fix the problem!  But we battled bats, raccoons, heat, water and fear!  Challenge your fears, they are where you will find your growth!